Inspirations for Life

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I was not as right as I thought.

You are not always as right as you think you are. You are not always as wrong as you think you are.
-Nicole Unice

For so long, I have sort of thrown up my hands and said, maybe I am just not meant to have a good relationship with _____________ (insert names). Maybe that is my destiny. I am so grateful for the many blessings that I have in my life, but when it comes to my personal life – definitely need some help there. While I have always felt so confident in my career and the direction my business was going, but if I am being honest, my personal life can be a walking disaster at times!

I have had several relationships in my life that were less than ideal. Some just outright toxic. It has caused me great distress and heartache. I long for healthy relationships, especially with certain individuals. Until recently, I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and said – I guess it’s not in the cards.

Well, I had my first “Miracle Moment” as Nicole Unice calls it. In her new book she talks a lot about your true and core feelings. When we are in the heat of the moment (or annoyed), what comes out of our mouth or our actions don’t necessarily match with the true feeling/emotion.

My poor husband was recently the victim of this scenario. Let me explain. A couple weeks ago while getting my daughter ready for school, packing lunch, getting breakfast ready etc, my husband mentioned that he used the last of laundry detergent. I quickly dismissed his comment (made a mental note of it) and went about by morning.

Fast-forward to a few days later and I needed to wash my daughters Lacrosse uniform so thought I would throw in a quick load (multi-tasking queen over here). Well when I threw in the clothes and reached for the detergent, you guessed it – NO LAUNDRY DETERGENT.

My mood went from happy to annoyed in 2.3 seconds. I marched up the stairs probably grumbling under my breath to meet my husband in the kitchen. He may have said, “Hi honey there is coffee ready” and I lost it!! I quickly snapped back saying something to the affect of “I am just trying to do a simple load of laundry – but “someone” left me high and dry.” OUCH!! I know – not my brightest moment. That “someone” was clearly my husband.

Nicole talks about owning our true feelings and speaking them. The actual truth. She even provides a Feeling Wheel as a resource (Side bar – I love this so much – I not have it pinned as an image on my phone). So in the heat of the moment when I felt myself feeling this intense emotion, I quickly grabbed my feeling chart and decided to put Nicole’s theory to the test. Here is what I noted.

After I took the 30 seconds or so to pinpoint my exact (honest) emotions, I actually started to laugh. Yes. Laugh. I mean really – let down!?. My husband did actually tell me we were out of detergent. The truth is – I was actually mad at myself for forgetting about it …and I had just made a trip to Walmart. I was frustrated and annoyed because I couldn’t do laundry. I was actually blaming my poor husband. haha. Whoops.

Taking a few seconds to actually pause and take an honest assessment of what I truly felt put things in perspective. I did apologize to my husband and acknowledged that I was actually frustrated with myself and took it out on him. He acknowledged that he could have actually picked some up too. This may not seem like a big deal, but it was! I broke the cycle!

In the past, I would have started my day off on the wrong foot. It would have caused me to be grumpy for the morning and I would have been aggravated with my husband for who knows how long. This exercise helped me “Get over it” quickly and restart my day.

These are the Miracle Moments that have already begun to take shape in my life. Next time you feel any type of emotion taking over, pause, reflect and pin point the real emotion behind it.

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This is me.

Motivational self encouragement quote New Year, New Me, New Beginning appearing behind torn blue paper.

Life is what you make of it. Make it count.

Welcome to 2020. It feels a bit surreal. It seems like just yesterday, we were partying like it was 1999!! Boom in a flash it’s been twenty years. As I look back on the past two decades to where I was vs where I am today, wow! I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am proud of the risks I took.

I started out with 80 bucks and a suitcase (no joke) but I had a dream much larger than life. Much larger than me. In April of 1998, I put all of my faith in God and in myself (when everyone else thought I was crazy) and I set out on a journey of starting my own business. It has been a ride! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not at all perfect, it certainly has its ups and downs, but it is perfectly me. I love my job. I love my clients. I love the sense of team. I love the thrill of deadlines and helping people! I love that it has provided a great source of income to myself and my family. I am extremely grateful that it affords me the time to do what I truly love!

Why am I starting this blog?

For years I have spent a lot of time journaling. It was a good outlet for me. One day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going through the process of “Tidying Up” (Marie Kondo method – don’t judge!! ha!) and as I was looking through my journals so much of what I journaled about year after year, I was complaining about the same stuff. It was definitely the stuff that I didn’t want to talk about, let alone admit to anyone. But on that day, looking back from 10 years back, it was almost verbatim, the same complaints. What an eye opener!! I realized that if I don’t make a change somewhere, I will continue to complain year after year about the same stuff. I could not longer allow it. I had to stop the vicious cycle. Life felt like it was going to pass me by.

They say that God works in mysterious ways, but suddenly I found myself with an opportunity to facilitate a women’s small group. I never saw myself as an inspirational leader but I was intrigued with the challenge and actually a little scared. In my job, I tend to be more behind the scenes. I am comfortable there. This was pushing me out of my comfort zone and before I knew it, I accepted the challenge. I love the creative process and I dove into the subject materials and I came across an interesting book that caught my eye and felt guided to pursue it. To my surprise (and if I am being honest a bit horrified!!!) there was a big interest. Soon what I thought would be a handful of ladies shaped up to be 40+ women. And the rest was history.

Over the last two years, I had the opportunity to lead the popular women’s group “She’s Got Issues” featuring author Nicole Unice’s book series (She’s Got Issues, Brave Enough & The Struggle Is Real). I found that women from all over the South Shore had issues too. Shhhhh. We are trying to keep it a secret. LOL In all seriousness, if you know me, you know that I am a strong and independent woman (some may say stubborn or a control freak) At the end of the day, I am a human too. I have my own insecurities and set backs and hang-ups. Although you may find I am full of confidence, the truth is I am just as scared as the next gal. Admitting some of the issues that I do have in my life has had a profound affect on me. It was an honor to see so many of the women that participated experience transformation and growth too..

As I reflect back on what I learned… I am never alone – every one of us has our “stuff”. Stop hiding it. Embrace it. Say it out loud.. I have learned to share my vulnerabilities with others and it has helped me grow in leaps and bounds. I learned that we are not meant to go through life hiding the brokenness. We are meant to share those times with others. Learning to rely on other people or (God forbid) ask for help!! I hope that by sharing my experiences, it will be an inspiration to others.

My goal is to serve as a beacon of light, especially to women. To create hope when it feels like life has knocked you down. You need your tribe, your girls, your circle, your people. Life is not always pretty, but it doesn’t mean that you give up, retreat and feel defeated. You rise up. Wipe yourself off and do better. Learn from your experience. Don’t allow your life’s circumstances to define you.

Rox

If you want to join my private women’s Facebook group, click here.

What’s Your Story?

Last Sunday at church one of our Pastors started a new series titled, “They will know us by our….STORY”

Todd’s message was that God is the author if His story and He is writing His story in us. So that others will know him through us!! In me, in you – in all of us. …AND…through our stories, we may help others! That’s pretty cool to think about.

When I reflect on my story, and how my experiences with God can help others , I clearly see that in every instance in my life that I lose hope, or face a challenging and difficult situation, when I turn to God and ask for help. He shows up!!!! When I deliberately put my trust in God’s plan for me, things work out!! I can relax knowing that through my faith, all things work together for my good. At times it might not feel like it’s for my good, but it truly IS!

Instead of letting fear creep in, I wave the white flag and say, “OK, Lord! I give up!! I need you!” Instead of being stuck, I surrender. I mean what is the alternative? I suppose I could either freak out, stress out and maybe even flip out. ;). It does nothing. It doesn’t change the outcome. I know this is easier said than done at times! Trust me, I still forget and get wound up from time to time. That’s part of the journey I suppose. We always need him!

This is how God reveals himself to me. When I keep my eyes on HIM I experience love, peace, hope, and unconditional love. He sets my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6). Almost magically. Sometimes overwhelmingly. In the best possible way.

So just in case you need to hear this, if you are going through something right now, ask for help. Pray to God. Put your trust in Him and watch how he works it out. (Proverbs 18:24) Let go of stress, anxiety, negative thoughts – it is not helping. Instead, take comfort and know that God is right there for you. He is holding your hand. He is with you and he is for you!

Mic Drop!

Now I reflect back to you.. How has God revealed Himself to you in your life? How is God working His story into your life?

Blessings,

Roxane Thomas

All things are possible…

“God is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He is pursuing us as a best friend. You have a friend that will always be there.”

-David Coate on Proverbs 18;24

I find myself this Advent season in a state of complete trust and gratitude. Although there are many things in my life that are not perfect (far from it!), there is one thing that I do know. God is always on my side, there for me, showing up in ways that I never thought possible.

Sounds sort of corny, but through my experience, the obstacles, set-backs, failures, disappointments and sometimes pure heartbreak, have shown me time and time again, that I am not alone. EVER. Even if it feels that way.

Some of my greatest hurts, have made me a stronger person. Situations and circumstances that I could not understand, have led me to opportunities that I never would have imagined. These opportunities have not only changed my perspective but even my life! I feel so grateful.

I recently had the opportunity to work on an Album project for David Coate (Turning Point Records). I never in a million years would have imagined I would be part of a project like this. It was absolutely inspiring and challenged me in new ways that allowed me to be more creative. It was all because of a choice I made. A choice to put my faith in God.

About 3 years ago, I was fascinated with video marketing and wanted to dabble in it as a new resource to my customers. Since it was more of a passion / interest. I never fully invested the time into it – I was always too busy! (I did however invest financially in equipment to create a sort of Sports Center/Podcast type format that included livestream). Long story short, it got put on the back burner.

Fast forward to March 2020. The pandemic was knocking on our door. I was attending an Overseer meeting at church and the discussion that was on the table was the possibility of having to close our doors if the state shut down. We talked about possibilities of Going “Live” on Facebook or to YouTube. This concept had been on our “wish list” but we never quite got to it. I will never forget while these discussions were going on, I remembered that I had all of this equipment (now collecting dust) and I raised my hand and said, “I might be able to help here.” That weekend I got all of my equipment set up on Sunday morning and for the 1^st time ever, North River went live. It was absolutely exhilarating. Pure adrenaline and excitement – for the first 10 minutes anyway. Then the connection failed and we lost it. Then it felt like SLO-MO! We were able to get back up and got through the first service. It wasn’t pretty, but WE DID IT!!! From that day forward, I have been part of our NR Production Team and we have streamed our services ever since. We went from in-person only to now a completely Hybrid (in-person and online) church. Literally overnight. I had absolutely no business leading this effort. I had zero experience. Only a vision and a passion to serve.

With the state of the world, I HAD to make a choice – to choose FEAR or to TRUST. There was much to be afraid of…fear that my business would fail, fear of not being able to pay my mortgage, fear of the virus, fear of the unknown, I can go on and on. Instead, I deliberately chose to put all my faith in the HOPE that God would not let me down. So I jumped in with both feet.

When the world was on lockdown, I was learning about video editing, working with audio and visual. Surprisingly, my 17-year-old son JT was my greatest teacher! For several months, he and I would post-produce church services that would stream on Sundays. I was having the time of my life – doing my best to omit self-doubt and negative chatter in my head surrounding the pandemic and the fears that came with it! Sure, there were many learning curves along the way, but the beauty was that I was part of something bigger than myself. Together with a team, our collective skills, knowledge and experimenting, a new ministry was born and that ministry is here to stay! Looking back, I am so grateful for the people that were part of that and especially those that remain on this team. It was a lonely time for me. I missed people. I poured my heart into something that was making an impact and was of service and in complete faith.

As a result of my newly learned skills, I caught the attention of David Coate, artist, producer and owner of Turning Point Records. He wanted my help (whaaaat!?) on an album project that he was working on. Again, having no experience, I had absolutely no business in this role and told him so. David encouraged me to think about it and again, I chose to put my faith in the direction God was taking me. He has a way of putting you right on the path, right where you are meant to be.

The message for you? Know that no matter what you are going through, no matter how alone you may feel, YOU ARE NEVER ALONE and God has a uniquely designed plan for each of us..

I wanted to share a moment from the Classic Rock Praise Album premiere (recorded earlier this month). A song that we recorded in the height of the pandemic for church – is now on this album! How cool is that!?!! This popular secular song by Carole King, David invites us to shift our perspective to Jesus – that HE is our friend. This perfectly touches on the feeling I have when I think of Jesus. He is my best friend. My protector, my defender and I wouldn’t want to do this life without Him (nor could I). I hope you enjoy this beautiful song. Thank you to David Coate for believing in me – it’s been such a fun new journey!

Enjoy,

Rox

You’ve Got A Friend – Classic Rock Praise Album – to hear the full album click HERE

Turning Point Records

www.DavidCoate.com

faith + hope

We are in the midst of a crazy time here in America. The Coronovirus has shaken our world and turned life as we know it upside down. As a mother, I feel extremely protective, my eyes have opened wide to a new way of life. A life that includes stocking up on soap, washing my hands, social-distancing and a search for toilet paper. As a typical New Englander (and I think most Americans), I have been caught up in the cycle. Life in the fast lane. A life that includes a full schedule and not enough time in the day to get it done. Between work, being a mom, sports schedules, client meetings, running my business, volunteer work, trying to stay healthy, investing in my relationships, and carving out a little time for some fun! 100mph every day, all day. Its exhausting!! Over the years I have made a conscious effort to try and maintain a balance. Each year I get a little better, but it is a constant effort. I can’t count how many times I put the things I really want to spend my time on the back burner.

We are officially in Day 3 since all non-essential businesses in MA were to be shut down as declared by our Govenor Charlie Baker. On Wednesday, we learned schools were to be shut down until May. Something in me clicked. I had been feeling like a fish out of water. Cleaning like a maniac or binge watching Netflix. There was no in between. I was full board or zero energy. My emotions have been off the chart. We as a family have been practicing social distancing and staying home. It sort of seemed crazy when the numbers were at 106 cases. What we didn’t realize it the numbers were much much greater, but no on was getting tested. As these numbers continue to climb you can’t help but tense up. It’s scarey. This virus is no joke.

I have to admit, at times it hard to believe the media. I don’t know what is fact and what is fiction anymore. With all the political banter going on from both sides. It’s been surprising how angry people are. You see evil in the news and you can’t help but feel like the world is crashing in. Even the snow storms get blown up. It sends everyone into a fearful state. So when they started talking about the Coronavirus I admit, I sort of rolled my eyes at it. The common flu has more deaths I though to myself as I rationalized my opinion. As I watched the developments and did a little research on my own, I was horrified to learn that this is truly a pandemic. This virus is from an animal and therefore our immune systems do not know how to combat it. Its also extremely contagious. As this soaks in, I feel a knot in my stomach and feel the fear creeping in. In all of the self improvement I have done over the last year, FEAR was the one issue that has held me back most in my life. Here it is again, threatening to destroy our world, affect my family and those I love. It’s incomprehensible.

One thing that has definitely gotten me through this time is my faith. Actually, my faith has gotten me through some pretty tough times. The darkest of times in my life. They say God works in mysterious ways and I know this is true. I have witnessed this in my life. In miraculous ways. I have been in situations that truly could not have been possible with out God. I have learned that when I surrender and turn it over to God, God shows up.

So in a time where all we know is that it is 100% uncertain, let’s hope for the best, pray for the best and try and see the blessings where we can.

Change happens when fear no longer holds you back.

Fear can be paralyzing.. There have been many times in my life that I have allowed fear to cripple me. Thoughts like: What if it doesn’t work out? What if I am not good enough? What if I fail?

So rather than take the chance it’s easy to settle for the “comfort zone”. Today, I choose differently. That is my right and my choice. I choose to face my fears and allow my faith to be greater than my fear. I know that God is for me, not against me. 🙂

Right Place, Wrong Time or Wrong Time, Right Place?

Over the last several weeks, I feel like God has once again put me into a place of learning and growing. No literally. A few weeks back (after months of sanitizing my world), my family and I got “The Rona”. Ugg. I am not going to mention any names, but another member of my household was not as “passionate” about social distancing and masks. Quite frankly, neither was I but I valued my freedom enough to know that I didn’t have time to isolate and / or quarantine. I was starting to actually start easing back out into the world (with my mask) as restrictions started to lift.

After months of being careful and spending most of my days on Zoom, it got me. I was faced with a dreaded “POSITIVE” result. Uggg. I was initially so mad at said party in my house. I was definitely not happy. I had a lot going on at work, things were starting to pop again at work, I could actually go have a meal at my favorite restaurant, meet a girlfriend…my daughter was getting involved in sports. Things were looking good. Then boom. In bed with no where to go. The thought of not even being able to go grab a few things at the grocery store was just sad. I actually had to ask for, ahem, help!!

I will say, I slept a lot for the few days. Watched a lot of Netflix and “got through”. The worst of it for me was a awful headache. I mean bad. Pounding headache. On top of that a cough which compounded my headache. So I slept. After a couple days, I actually started to embrace my new freedom. Yes, freedom. For so many years I had been caught up on the crazy train. Every. Day. Of. My. Life. The fast-paced living was “normal”. From the moment I got up to when I fall asleep, I was accounting for every moment of my day. There was no down time. At. All. I became the Queen of multi-tasking! This was me! 🙂

So now, I had no where to go and nothing but time!! We all started to enjoy staying in our jammies all day. I found myself doing things that I never had time for. It actually felt great! So while lounging in bed with an herbal tea and my lavender neck pillow I started going through my emails. There I found an invite to be part of something that definitely caught my eye and created a spark!

One of my favorite christian authors, Nicole Unice was launching a new book and I was going to be part of the books launch team. This was such a great honor for me and was happy to sign up for it. More importantly I got first dibs on reading the book. What I found was like gold. I was so caught up that I kept writing. Taking notes. Taking screenshots on the little “nuggets” I wanted to remember.

The book is called The Miracle Moment. And its all about relationships! If you have issues with someone and they never quite get resolved, this book will definitely provide some clarity if you are open to taking an honest look at yourself and your true feelings. Over the last several weeks I have been using some of Nicole’s suggestions like an ace in my pocket.

I am not sure where this journey is taking me, but I feel excited again. Hopeful for the future. If I have learned anything this past year, it is that nothing is as it seems. We CAN make changes in our lives. Even if they are small and they can make a huge difference. I am excited to share some of these “nuggets” with you and my hope and my prayer is that they resonate with you too and will start to create positive change for the better for each of us.

Rox

PS. As part of the launch team, and through items provided by my amazing church, North River, I will have several giveaways later this month in celebration of the book.

Watch this short video below. Comment below or join the private Facebook group for a chance to win one of several prizes. Including the book.

Goal Setting & Vision

“No Great Thing is Created Suddenly.”
-Epictetus, Greek Philosopher

As a young entrepreneur I think my biggest challenge was patience. If I am being honest it is still something I work on even today. When I first set out on my journey of starting a business, I had all of these great ideas and wanted to get started immediately. The problem was not my lack of effort or excitement. It was the timing. I think the issue I truly had a problem with was that things didn’t happen on MY timing.

Over the course of many years, I have learned that the pursuit of your goals is a process. It is the building of relationships, developing your brand, creating your identity as a business and professional. It takes focus, grit and a lot of hard work. The growth comes from your successes and your failures along the way – and trust me, there were many failures.

For years, I have taken the time to write out my goals. It has become a ritual that I look forward to each year. One of my dearest friends and I set the time each year to review our goals, discuss where we have been, what we have learned.. The good, the bad and the ugly. We set out on an intentional mission to accomplish our greatest desires and wishes for our lives. At first it seemed like the act of goal setting was my free ticket to create a wish list. I had fun adding material “things” to my list, creating fancy dream boards and “affirmations”. Even more exciting was that when we would meet the following year, I actually accomplished a lot of what I had written down. Some of my goals remained on my list year after year….As a much wiser and more experienced person (ahem, OLD) I have learned it’s not as important to add the “stuff”. My goals have shifted to making XX dollars in sales, to creating a balanced work / home life. It went from driving a fancy car, to being debt free. It’s more about the experience of my journey. The emotion. The feeling. No matter what the goal, I have learned that the only way to accomplish those goals is by “doing” and taking action. The execution, taking one step and then another, is what takes you from where you are now to where you aspire to be.

Enjoy the process, accept your circumstances, let downs or disappointments. Take time to reflect on this past year. What did you learn? How did you grow? What were your greatest challenges and set backs? If you like what you see, keep pushing forward. If you don’t like what you see, make a change. Take a new direction.

Take the time to write down your goals. Make sure that they impact all areas of your life…. Family, Finance, Health, Relationship, Contribution. Commit to them and then put them away. Get to work and come back the next year and see what you have manifested. 🙂