You are not always as right as you think you are. You are not always as wrong as you think you are.
-Nicole Unice
For so long, I have sort of thrown up my hands and said, maybe I am just not meant to have a good relationship with _____________ (insert names). Maybe that is my destiny. I am so grateful for the many blessings that I have in my life, but when it comes to my personal life – definitely need some help there. While I have always felt so confident in my career and the direction my business was going, but if I am being honest, my personal life can be a walking disaster at times!
I have had several relationships in my life that were less than ideal. Some just outright toxic. It has caused me great distress and heartache. I long for healthy relationships, especially with certain individuals. Until recently, I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and said – I guess it’s not in the cards.
Well, I had my first “Miracle Moment” as Nicole Unice calls it. In her new book she talks a lot about your true and core feelings. When we are in the heat of the moment (or annoyed), what comes out of our mouth or our actions don’t necessarily match with the true feeling/emotion.
My poor husband was recently the victim of this scenario. Let me explain. A couple weeks ago while getting my daughter ready for school, packing lunch, getting breakfast ready etc, my husband mentioned that he used the last of laundry detergent. I quickly dismissed his comment (made a mental note of it) and went about by morning.
Fast-forward to a few days later and I needed to wash my daughters Lacrosse uniform so thought I would throw in a quick load (multi-tasking queen over here). Well when I threw in the clothes and reached for the detergent, you guessed it – NO LAUNDRY DETERGENT.
My mood went from happy to annoyed in 2.3 seconds. I marched up the stairs probably grumbling under my breath to meet my husband in the kitchen. He may have said, “Hi honey there is coffee ready” and I lost it!! I quickly snapped back saying something to the affect of “I am just trying to do a simple load of laundry – but “someone” left me high and dry.” OUCH!! I know – not my brightest moment. That “someone” was clearly my husband.
Nicole talks about owning our true feelings and speaking them. The actual truth. She even provides a Feeling Wheel as a resource (Side bar – I love this so much – I not have it pinned as an image on my phone). So in the heat of the moment when I felt myself feeling this intense emotion, I quickly grabbed my feeling chart and decided to put Nicole’s theory to the test. Here is what I noted.
After I took the 30 seconds or so to pinpoint my exact (honest) emotions, I actually started to laugh. Yes. Laugh. I mean really – let down!?. My husband did actually tell me we were out of detergent. The truth is – I was actually mad at myself for forgetting about it …and I had just made a trip to Walmart. I was frustrated and annoyed because I couldn’t do laundry. I was actually blaming my poor husband. haha. Whoops.
Taking a few seconds to actually pause and take an honest assessment of what I truly felt put things in perspective. I did apologize to my husband and acknowledged that I was actually frustrated with myself and took it out on him. He acknowledged that he could have actually picked some up too. This may not seem like a big deal, but it was! I broke the cycle!
In the past, I would have started my day off on the wrong foot. It would have caused me to be grumpy for the morning and I would have been aggravated with my husband for who knows how long. This exercise helped me “Get over it” quickly and restart my day.
These are the Miracle Moments that have already begun to take shape in my life. Next time you feel any type of emotion taking over, pause, reflect and pin point the real emotion behind it.
Inspirations for Life 